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Turning 50 / Looking back and looking ahead... facing both ways

Lisa Sturz

In college I was a religion major as well as a theatre major and for me they were one and the same. Theatre grew out of religious ritual. Puppets were regarded as a link between man and God. In the Indonesian shadow tradition… the priest is the puppeteer and the audience can reach enlightenment through the puppet play.

When I’ve taken career aptitude tests the results indicate I would make a good priest or rabbi…. And that makes perfect sense to me. My unique gift in this life has to do with understanding the invisible and giving it form. I have always been comfortable in the non-linear world of symbols and archetypes. And although it is not commonly understood as a religion… translating the deeper layers of
consciousness into a more tangible shape for our cognitive minds to absorb, is the reason I began doing puppetry.

I believe that our dreams link us to our deeper selves and shed meaning on our lives. As I approach 50, I have been a bit depressed and afraid of growing older … that is until I asked my dreams for guidance.

THE MONKEY DREAM (1987)

I heard a knock on my window and discovered a raccoon circus performer who cart-wheeled out of the tree. I clapped with pleasure. A second raccoon flipped out of the tree and landed on the first one’s shoulders. Then a third…but this time it was a white monkey who invited me to join them. I was a little reluctant, but felt safe with the monkey. The monkey challenged me to catch him.. he kept changing shape.. he transformed into a rabbit, and a deer, but always stayed white. He/she visited me in several dreams after that and we became great friends.

For me this trickster represents ancient wisdom and is connected to my Grandmother who died the year before the dream started. The monkey is a spirit guide and is always by my side in my waking life reminding me to lighten up and not take this temporal reality too seriously. Don’t worry, be happy.

In Shamanistic traditions white symbolizes collective wisdom as white contains all of the other colors As I muse on that symbolism I am also reminded of growing older and having my hair turn white. Don’t worry, be happy!

THE FISH DREAM (December 2004)

I am visiting a friend of a friend in a busy scientific workshop. In a tank is a huge white fish. I recognize it immediately as another transformation of the white monkey…this time older and wiser…. but it seems barely alive. The tank is too small to contain it. I am sad. I ask the owner to please let it go; he tells me it is perfectly okay…that the fish didn’t need to move…but I want to set it free in the Great Ocean and get it out of the strong lights in the room. There is also a smaller fish in the same tank. He throws it out and it starts gasping for air… no…gasping for water.. I am afraid it will die… the scientists assure me it is fine…that it can live like that for a long time. I am not convinced and nonverbally communicate to the fishes that I will help them.

My reaction to this dream is a strong desire to let the fish return to it’s dark underwater world where it’s wisdom can flow. I feel that our modern scientific society tries to contain wisdom in a tank and study it behind clear glass walls and bright lights, but its true value cannot be understood out of context… and for that, we need to submerge ourselves in the Great Ocean. I am the younger floundering fish and I too long to swim beside my grandmother/grandfather and
apprentice their wisdom. I also appreciate the personal pun that plays on – Red Herring Puppets which has a springy young fish as the logo. Red can often symbolize anger, passion and action.

So, in the next decades I will be working on projects that allow me to visit the world of dreams and create some collective myths for our times like the ancient dream weavers did in primitive cultures to develop a communal response to the troubles of their tribe.